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To decide if a situation is stalking, the law will consider:

• Reasonableness: Would any reasonable person feel threatened by this behavior?



• Repetition: Has the situation happened more than once?



• Effect: Does the victim see the behavior as a danger (no matter how it's intended)?



• Avoidability: Could the victim easily avoid the situation?



• Notice: Was the person told that his or her behavior made the victim uncomfortable? Some teen girls suffer from "too nice syndrome" - which can be taken the wrong way by an eager stalker. Don't worry about seeming rude; you must be direct and firm when you say you're not interested. It's a good idea to have a friend witness you saying, "No, thanks. Please stop," or, if you decide to do it in writing, send a registered letter asking the person to discontinue the actions that make you uncomfortable.

Who Stalks? Women stalk, but most stalkers are men. A stalker is much more likely to be someone you know than someone you don't. These are the people who can become stalkers, from most likely (your ex) to least likely (a stranger

• your ex
• a casual date
• an acquaintance
• a stranger

Stalking Behavior A stalker may start with small, annoying, persistent actions and progress to criminal behavior. Some examples of stalking behavior are:

• trying to start or keep a relationship that you don't want
• threatening you or the safety of someone close to you
• harming you
• unwanted repeated calls, e-mails, or letters
• following you

If You're a Stalking Victim

Imperative Step Number One. Find an ally. Do not deal with this potentially dangerous situation by yourself. You must tell your parents or another trusted adult immediately.

Pay attention, to the stalker - and to yourself. Never ignore the first signs of stalking. You have a creepy feeling about someone? Sit up and take notice. Always, always trust your instincts. It beats someday saying, "I knew there was something wrong...I wish I'd paid attention."

Talk to the police. Don't put it off. The longer the behavior continues, the harder it may be to stop because the stalker may have become more obsessive. No one can accurately predict if a stalker will actually become violent. A confrontation with a police officer stops most stalkers.

Document thoroughly. Write down all of the stalker's behavior in detail. Keep answering machine tapes, letters, e-mails, gifts, photos, etc.

Consider a restraining order. Although some experts believe a restraining order will make a bad situation worse, Stephen Thompson, sexual assault services coordinator at Central Michigan University, disagrees. He says, "A restraining order gives notice, which is essential for legal action. It will frequently stop the offending behavior.