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Dealing with Life Uncertainty: Seven Strategies For Success
Life has many ups and downs. There are times in our lives when it can feel like life has control of us more than we have control over our own lives. There are times when all of us face situations which are bigger than we are – situations which have power over the direction of our lives. It can be when you face uncertainty about your job and whether they will continue or not. It can be uncertainty about your children’s schooling, your mother’s hospital treatment or your teenager’s involvement with the wrong crowd.
Whatever the uncertainty, it usually brings up feelings of being out of control, fear, anxiety, worry, self-doubt, depression, and sometimes can even feel totally overwhelming. So, what do you do? How can you cope with such uncertainty? How do you not let it control you? Well, consider these seven strategies to not allow the uncertainty to rule your life.
- Don’t get paralyzed. All too often, when we have great uncertainty in our lives, we have a tendency to become paralyzed by it. We allow it to consume us and wrap up all of our thinking and energy. When you realize that you are dealing with a life uncertainty, realize that you are going to be at war with it within your own mind. For the direction your mind thinks, so your emotions will follow! Typically, the mind becomes consumed with playing out all of the possible negative scenarios regarding the situation. This only makes you feel worse and more paralyzed and fearful of the future. Rather, realize that you do need to take control of your own thinking. Most people don’t realize that they actually can choose what to think about. Making conscious choices on what to think about can greatly impact how we feel and what it is that we can do.
- Focus on what is in your control. So, what am I supposed to think about? Well, it can be very helpful to draw a circle on a piece of paper. Write (outside the circle) all the things you feel are outside of your control in the given situation. Then within the circle, write all of the things that are within your control. Take some time to consider where your mind tends to roam. Where do you end up expending most of your energy?
Recognize that those things that are truly out of your control are indeed not in your control. It means that you have to actively “let go” of that which is not in your control. So often we meet people who think that if they continue to think (rather worry) about it, that maybe their thoughts will even help to change the situation (a little bit of wishful thinking). Tell yourself that worrying about the situation will not change it. If you have a faith in God, “letting go” can involve giving it over to God, since it is bigger than what you can actually handle. Focus then on what is truly in your control. Maybe you cannot control the situation, but you can control your own response to it. You may be able to control how you want it to affect you for the rest of your life. You can many times do things (even if they seem small) to make some change to the situation.
- Prepare and plan. Take action where you can take action. The more active you are in preparation, the better you will feel about the situation. Brainstorm possibilities and don’t just think about acting - do what you can do now. Make plans for what you can make plans for. Preparing for the worst has the advantage, that if anything but the worse happens, then it is a “plus”.
- Evaluate your life. At times when life has great uncertainty, it can give rise to self-evaluation. Evaluating one’s life is not a bad thing, as long as it doesn’t move a person into a “victim” role, where they see themselves only as a victim of their circumstances. When you take on a “victim” role, you end up giving away your power. Rather, use this time of re-evaluation to make positive decisions for yourself and your family. It may be that reprioritizing some aspects of your life might be in order.
- Talk to your family about the stress. When there is a lot of uncertainty, there can be a lot of stress. Stress affects different people in different ways. Talking about your stress and the feelings that the uncertainty can bring up, allow for a positive expression of the stress. Ask your family members, how the uncertainty is affecting them. You may find that with greater understanding of each other’s experiences, that you can create a closer bond within your family and everyone can help to support each other through it. It allows your family to work as a team against the stress of the situation. When this happens, then it is less likely that the stress will be accidentally taken out on a family member.
- Find the opportunities within the crisis. The Chinese character for crisis is made up of two other characters – danger and opportunity. Within any crisis, there are always opportunities. The opportunity may be in the growth that can happen in your own life. The opportunity can be that it makes you take action to pursue new things within your life. Or the opportunity may be how it can possibly enhance and enrich your relationship with your spouse and children. Whatever the opportunity – find it, take it, seize it and use it.
To help balance you during times of uncertainty, it is always valuable to incorporate “an attitude of gratitude”. Look at all of your life and take the time to note anything and everything for which you are thankful. This simple thing can change your outlook in a matter of minutes.
- Reach out and access all your resources. When you face life uncertainties, you need to reach out as much as possible. Don’t become a hermit and seclude yourself away. And don’t become a super hero who never shows their vulnerability to anyone else. Those approaches to dealing with stressful uncertainty are unhealthy and can end up hurting you. Rather, you need to reach out to all the resources that are around you. Reach out to people with whom you feel safe. Reach out spiritually to God who can meet you where you are. Reach out to support groups or internet resources. And if you feel like you are getting stuck emotionally, seek help – go to a counsellor. It may be the best gift you ever give to yourself.


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