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The difference is the personal history of the person and how they have learned to deal with threats, stressors, or loss. It's not what happens to you, but how you deal with it that counts. Anger is one emotion that people use to respond to threat, stress, or loss. To be human is to be angry some of the time. Anger, like a hammer, can be a tool for destruction, or to build something. Anger is a necessary part of being human; it helps us survive as a species.

It is what we do with our anger that is important:

• We can use anger to lash out at others and intimidate them.
• We can turn it inward and beat ourselves up.
• We can use it to correct a situation that is wrong.

All social movements had their beginning in some one feeling angry. Anger is a powerful tool for social change on a personal and social level. We can use our anger as a tool for change. When we use anger in a positive way, self-esteem increases. Anger is a coping mechanism for dealing with some event that threatens our body, property, self-esteem, values of what we hold dear, or when we don't get our way. Therefore, you are the only one who can make yourself angry. You choose how you respond to events that upset you. What you think about the event can determine whether you become angry or not. Your thoughts and beliefs can make your angry. Your negative self talk helps you hold onto your anger. Your positive self talk can talk your own anger down.

The formula is as easy as A, B, C:

• A. The Event Emotion.
• B. Thoughts of The Event.
• C. Consequence.

Your Key to Anger Control:

1. Recognize: thoughts=anger.
2. Accept: you control the thinking.
3. Choose:
   ~ to pause and cool down.
   ~ to take down your inflammatory hot thoughts.
   ~ to breathe deeply and be in control of the situation.
   ~ to choose a higher level of anger response.
4. Monitor:
   ~ your level of arousal.
   ~ other emotions that accompany or substitute for anger.
   ~ what you tell yourself to keep yourself caught in anger.
5. Learn: about how you react to when there are....
   ~ stressors to your body.
   ~ risks to your property.
   ~ threats to your self-esteem (being discounted, put down, teased, rumours spread about you, things not going the way you think they should, etc.).
   ~ your values ~ what is important being trashed.

Watch your thoughts! Learn about what angers you! What do you tell yourself to make yourself angry? What do you say to keep yourself angry? What calming statements do you say to let go of inflaming thoughts? Make a list of your calming thoughts and carry them with you. Here are some words of thought:

It's all in your thoughts.
The only person who can make you angry is yourself!
You are the only person who can create peace of mind!
It is OK to feel angry. It is not OK to hurt yourself or others with your anger.
Learn to contain your unnecessary anger .... let the small stuff go.
Increase your self-esteem by expressing your anger in safe ways.
Understand your anger and use it in ways that are helpful to you & others.
Change your angry thoughts....and, you change your life!

Make your life a study of yourself and learn to release negativity that does not fit who you are, or who you want to be. These ideas can help you learn to empower yourself and release unnecessary anger: