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Five Ways to "Argue Fairly"
Arguments are natural in any relationship. The problem comes when arguments turn ugly and hurtful. Words can injure deeply. They can cause emotional scars that can be difficult to heal.
To keep your arguments from going too far south, here are five guidelines to use. These guidelines won't keep your relationship argument-free, but they'll likely keep the arguments you do have from becoming too hurtful.
- No name calling ~ Never, ever call a partner a hurtful name. Try the five-second rule [below] to choose words that are appropriate and relevant to the disagreement.
- Try the five-second rule ~ Because we sometimes say things without thinking of the consequences, wait five seconds before you comment on something your partner said. Use this time to exercise control and think about what you should say.
- Stick to the issue at hand ~ Going back to something that was said or done five years ago will only escalate the disagreement. It also shows that you have some unaddressed issues that you need to tend to.
- Manage your anger ~ Anger is a natural emotion, especially when you're having a disagreement. But don't allow your anger to turn violent. If you feel your anger reaching that point, leave the scene immediately and do something safe to calm yourself down ["safe" as in no drugs or alcohol and no driving the car away on all cylinders].
- Speak and act in love ~ Remember with whom you're arguing. If it's a marriage partner, it's someone you chose to love and cherish always. Although that's probably the last thing on your mind when you're having a disagreement, it should be the first.
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