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Experts estimate that more than 4 million American women are physically abused by their partners each year. According to the National Institute on Domestic Violence, in the United States alone a woman is beaten in the every nine seconds. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women -- more than muggings, rape and auto accidents combined. Many of these incidents are not reported to the police, and the abuse continues. Domestic violence creates devastating emotional and physical wounds -- and sometimes it kills. One out of three females who is murdered in the United States is killed by a husband or boyfriend. Although men are also victims of domestic violence, women are 10 times more likely than men to be victimized.

Recognizing Domestic Violence: Domestic violence occurs when an intimate partner or a former intimate partner -- a husband or wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend (or an ex) -- uses physical force or other abusive tactics to coerce or control his or her partner. If your partner does things like push, bite, kick, slap, punch or throw things at you -- even just once -- it is physical abuse.

Domestic abuse can also be sexual or psychological. Sexual abuse means being forced to have sex or to perform sexual acts against one’s will. People sometimes think sexual abuse usually happens between strangers, but it often happens between people who are dating or between married couples. Threatening or intimidating a person, preventing her from seeing her friends and family, are examples of psychological abuse. So are criticizing, insulting, yelling at, manipulating, ignoring or publicly humiliating someone.

Psychological abuse can be hard to recognize because it doesn’t produce physical scars. Yet, many women agree that psychological abuse is actually much harder to bear than physical abuse. Psychological abuse can be hard to recognize because it doesn’t produce physical scars. Yet many women agree that it is actually much harder to bear than physical abuse.

Who Are the Abusers?: No one knows exactly why some people are abusers. Researchers agree that abusers may share certain characteristics. For example, many grew up in violent homes themselves. Many abuse alcohol or other drugs. If you are afraid that your partner may have abusive tendencies, you should trust your instincts. Experts have recommended that you think twice about continuing a relationship if your partner:

• ignores your wishes
• makes you feel guilty
• acts excessively jealous or possessive
• ignores your personal boundaries
• does not listen to you or disregards your opinions
• has a history of fighting, loses his temper quickly, or brags about hurting others
• breaks or hits objects during an argument
• becomes hostile when you say "no"
• makes you feel sad or afraid.

Helping Someone You Care About: If you know someone who is being abused, it may be hard to approach her. “Begin by realizing that your friend or relative probably does not see the situation clearly; if you are not careful, she or he will react by defending the abuser or becoming angry with you." A recommendation is to her that you care about her, and you’re worried about her. Tell her that you are there for her if she ever wants to talk.

“Be as specific as possible." “Refer to specific incidents you have witnessed, not to the entire relationship." You might say, ‘When he was so sarcastic about your makeup yesterday, I could see it really embarrassed you. Then when he grabbed your arm, it made me feel scared. I’m worried about your safety'. “Offer to get information for her, or to go with her to see a teacher, counselor or advocate”. “Understand that she may not be ready yet. But she will remember that you cared enough to make the offer. DON’T make her feel ashamed, be judgmental, or tell her what to do. She’ll end up apologizing for his behavior and dropping you as a friend.” Reassure her that she can trust you, and that you will support her no matter what happens. Tell her not to wait for the abusive situation to get better -- it won’t.

Getting Help for Yourself: It’s hard for many people to recognize or admit that they are being abused. It’s even harder for them to take action. Leaving the abusive situation is a process. People often need to become strong -- emotionally, financially, etc.-- within the relationship before they are able to successfully get out of it. If you are being abused, you may think that if you could do better, the abuse would stop. You may be ashamed of people finding out what has happened to you. You may believe it when your partner says you’re overreacting, and it won’t happen again. You may not want to believe that your partner would hurt you. You may simply be afraid to be hurt more.